If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just cropdusted the office
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
