at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
