my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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