Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
