woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
