also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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