How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
