I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
