It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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