Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
