He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
