Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
