just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found the puke drawer
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
