There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
