then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
