Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
