i permit you to call me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
