Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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