What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
