Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
