He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
