He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
