you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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