i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
