She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
