Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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