bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
