She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
