Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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