I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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