I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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