Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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