Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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