and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
