I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
