either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
