did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
