the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
