Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
