I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
