So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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