i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
