so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
