1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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