shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
