Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
