just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
