The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
