Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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