did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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