I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
